apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
