her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
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My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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