Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
