from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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