so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
