you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
