Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
