the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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