Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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