K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
