OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
