I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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