Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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