i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
