Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
