No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
