Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
