i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
