Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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