if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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