I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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