Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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