I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
