you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
