i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
