I must be too annoying 4 u.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
