If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
