I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
