Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why do cheetos always look like penises
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
