like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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