...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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