That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
