i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
