LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
