what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
