I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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