Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize