You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
