Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
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i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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