I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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