i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
