hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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