Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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