So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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