He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
