He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
