My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
