I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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