My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
