Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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