so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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