i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
