There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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