I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
