Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
