Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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