I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
