She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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