Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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