Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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