So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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