Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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