her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
