i think i have two assholes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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