So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Terrible idea I love it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
