My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
