Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
