did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
