I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
