Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
