xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
