she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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