That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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