The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize