the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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