Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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