There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize