So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
