we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
